just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
