And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
