make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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