i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
