i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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