AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
