You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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