Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
