i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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