Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
