I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize