It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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