just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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