at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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