Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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