I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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