people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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