so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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