PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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