The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
