I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
