I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
