that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize