Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
