So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
