I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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