wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
