You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
