everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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