Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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