apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
