Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Randomize
