you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
