I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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