mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I feel great
I just peed on a car
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I have tasted many bathrooms
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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