either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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