the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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