I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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