I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The adults are the big ones right?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
