I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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