He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
In America we eat man semen.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
