just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
