I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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