Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
