The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
third nipple confirmed
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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