the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
where are you?
Hypothermia
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
