Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
