Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
