I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize