In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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