I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
