I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
