I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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