brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
