It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
