I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Success! We fucked roommates!
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