your parents love me but you hate me
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
