My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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