There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
