You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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