I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
