the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We named our party play list daddy issues
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
