her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
