whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
