where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
