I'm jealous of your bromance
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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