party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Randomize
