She said her name was "party"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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