I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
