you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
