Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
being pregnant is like rehab
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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