Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
