ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
