If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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