and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize